—


<set scene of aftermath>
<plane to ams, didnt know what was next, the emotion>
<wandered for a while. key events after, how i figured things out and got some light back in my chest>
<a desire to come back slowly building>
<current mental state>
<im the say guy, maybe im 10x more of a hippie now>

6-months ago I shut down the company I worked 5-years building.

It was all very public.

But, 6-,months later — everything ended up as well as it could.

Investors felt like I had given it a good shot over the last 5-years and were fine with the outcome. My conversation with a16z when I told them the news was a massive weight of my chest. They simply understood and were happy to have given it a shot with me.

I chatted with Ryan from Weekend, Furqan from Founders, Connie from a16z, Aaron from YC. All felt simialr — I gave it a good shot. And, if the energy isnt there anymore. It's okay.

Our die-hard fans were saddened, but, were happy to be part of it all.


The company 6-months later is seen in a mostly positive, almost nostalgic light by those who knew it. Which, is really cool.

We had some haters, and I had some real nasty stuff sent my way. But, most were online (tough to avoid when the story reached 3M eyeballs).

Most importantly, my team (though very saddened) respected the call.

My family and friends were confused. Especially my parents.

"You $6M left, a great team, and a die hard fan base and you're just gonna…let it go!?"




It's been 6 months since you last heard from me.

When we last spoke, I had just shut down buildspace.

The news went a lot bigger than I thought… At the time, I was in shambles. I felt like a loser.

Even though… I had the support of those around me:
my team, friends, family.

Everyone felt like the decision was confusing.

But, man, they still supported me through it. Even with the team, everyone worked until the last fucking day to make sure we closed the doors right.

When I hit send on that letter, about 4 days later I was on a plane to Amsterdam. No idea for how long.

Before I got on the plane, I actually visited the HQ one more time. Just to… look. Because I really didn't think I'd ever come back.

Didn't know if I'd come back to SF.
Didn't know if I'd come back to startups.
I didn't even know if I'd come back to making stuff.

I was in shambles. Worst mental state of my life. Didn't even remember the last time I had been happy. My whole life had become shutting down the company and doing it right. And, it took everything… even had to run a 1000 person event, the largest N&W ever, all while we all knew the captain decided to sink the ship.

And man, it did feel like that. $6M in the bank. The most cracked team I had ever seen assembled in one room across engineering, design, and content. A cult following online, a die hard fan base of thousands of fans. Fuck man. I was getting recognized literally every day going to the grocery store, at a restaurant.

We had built something people really loved.

That was the scene when we closed…

And then I get on that flight. No idea what'd be next.

I wish this was a post where a founder goes off and travels, recharges, comes back, and is full of new life. And in some ways…this story really is as simple as that….

- wandering the world
- doing…nothing. 8 days czech cabin.
- getting recognized everywhere.
- feeling insane anxiety coming back.
- just feeling a lot of love for people, the world.
- how i couldn't see to stay away from dreams. and, how i want to keep dreaming. my dream is to take all i see that's beautiful and articulate it in a way for others to see. so, those who maybe can't see it anymore…can see it again, those who see it, can see it more. the world is made up of people who make my world brighter. is it crazy for me to think i could also do so.

——

6-months ago I closed buildspace.

It was very public.

But, everything wrapped up mostly positively. Which was suprising considering the size of the annoucement. Everyone from my team to our investors to the die hard fan-base we had respected the call, even if they didn't quite understand it.

* I kinda like starting by addressing the annoucement/haters/lovers/etc

When I hit send on that letter, about 4 days later I was on a plane to Amsterdam. No idea for how long.

Didn't know if I'd come back to SF.
Didn't know if I'd come back to startups.
I didn't even know if I'd come back to making stuff.

I was just a guy in shambles.

Before I got on the plane, I actually visited the HQ one more time. Really feeling like it was probably my last time.

- This is the short version of how I picked myself up from the shambles, found a new something within me, and am now working daily to build something really wonderful for the world. How I figured out who I was outside of all this.

- You don't just get on a plane

- Of course, when most meet me these days they ask "So what are you working on" often followed up with "Got any new amazing ideas?".
- I began to hate the question. I fucking hated those asked for some time. Fuck you. Everywhere on my travels people asked me what I did and I would say founder, ceo, guy who makes stuff his whole life. i didn't know how to even describe myself. I started just saying I was a free lance writer and people often stopped asking questions after that. Coming back to SF was worse. but, i was much more prepared.
- the question always felt countere intuitive. to me, ideas were always starting points. to even discuss ideas before taking some action was delusional to me. so, the entire convo was nonsense. to me, the only ideas that are real are the ones you're working on right now. i knew the same for me. i wasn't big idea guy. i was always gonna be guy that would start at point A, and grind his way to the next step, next step, etc. because, that's how great ideas are built. people forget that even buildspace was an idea that took 4-years of iteration to get to. and it started out as an online elementary school. so yea, to me, i always had faith that if i sit down at the table after X days/weeks/months i will always come up with something.

- I'm more okay now with not knowing than I've ever been in my whole life and wow, all of a sudden im starting to know things and get new ideas and just let myself actually receive it all.

- how'd i end up so unhappy despite doing everything right.

- how im thinking about whats next/what is ACTUALLY next:
- back in sf, new apartment, tbh, i spent last 6 weeks just settling back. i have a lot of emotion and anxiety around sf still. but, working through all this is good. i coulda ran away from it all. but fuck it. we ball.
- im just gonna do what i've always done. come in every day (or hey, most days) and make stuff i think is cool. eventually, i'll find one core thing that resonates, and i'll all in on it while still keeping it open to iteration. been working on a few things, an ai text editor for people that journal, a low-tech bracelet that helps you with breathing extersices, a box that plays the news for you every morning, random shit.
- a lot of writing. i feel like im falling in love with just…doing stuff, AGAIN. which is crazy. you shoulda seen the smile on my face when i was making that text editor and found the right font. or, when im writing and feel i hit a breakhtorugh and a thread of thought.
- im smiling a lot more lately man. and, i just feel like


—

And man, it is hard decision to understand.

"You're telling me you got $6M in the bank from YC and a16z, the most cracked team across design/engineering/content, and a cult following of millions…and you're…shutting it down?"

Perhaps part of this post is to take you on a journey to help others understand what I went through. It wasn't burnout.

*I don't like this as much because I don't want to confidently speak on what happen to me in some sense. Even though I mostly feel it was my inner demons.